It's Another My Immortal Commentary!
by HeapsofHorses
Summary: My take on the most horrible fanfiction ever written. Enjoy!
1. 1: Chapter 1 & 2

**AN: Hey everyone! Welcome to my new commentary on My Immortal! Yeah, I know, it's been done before, but I wanted to do one for myself. So, some things you need to know before you start reading: Firstly, since the chapters are so short, I decided to do two My Immortal chapters each time instead of one. Secondly, for those who hadn't figured it out yet, bold is me talking and **regular** is the original story. Thirdly, I'm not English, so any mistakes you see which are written in bold, are mine. Rest is all on Tara.**

**Aaaaaaaaand, before I forget**

**Disclaimer: I don't own My Immortal, and every day I thank the heavens for that little fact.**

**Now I'm done, let's get started!**

Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **And with these words, the stupidity begins…** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Why would I think of it that way?** raven, **WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE, RAVEN? WHY? Oops, spoilers ;)** bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin **Who? Justin Bieber?** ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! **Oh, great. I can see where Twila got all that random stuff…**

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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **What kind of IDIOTIC name is that?** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Naw! I NEVER would have guessed!** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back **What planet are you from? No, seriously. This sounds horrifying** and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **Excuse me, WHAT?** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **NO. YOU MOST CERTAINLY DON'T LOOK LIKE AMY LEE. Amy Lee, for example, has normal hair and she also has a normal name… **(AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **Sorry, don't feel like it…** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **But. That would mean you're related. Which would make it WRONG.(not that I mind, I'm a Wincest shipper, for God's sake)** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH! IT'S A SPARKLEFAIRY! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). **Naw!** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) ***Facepalm*** and I wear mostly black. ***Bangs head into keyboard* STOP STATING THE OBVIOUS!** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **I'm not sure Hot Topic sells Goth clothes…** For example today I was wearing **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT ALREADY!** a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. **You know, Hogwarts has such a thing called a dress-code…** I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, **Why would you do that? You just said you had pale skin already?** black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **How's that even possible?** so there was no sun, **No shit, Sherlock! What a perfect observation!** which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. **I'd stare too. You sound completely ridiculous…** I put up my middle finger at them. **Nice, Ebony. Very nice**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy! **Poor him**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **But… He was just shouting? Why would he be shy now?**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **1) Rude, and 2) Completely pointless…**

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AN: IS it good? **NO.** PLZ tell me fangz! **Here we go again with the fangz. Stop it!**

Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **Never!**

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The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. **AGAIN?** **What the Hell's wrong with the weather?** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **Charming… **My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. **I think you should've just kept that t-shirt. It probably covers more of your body anyway…** I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **So your hair probably looks like a bird's nest…**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **Oh god…** woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **I hate her already…** She put on her Marilyn Manson **Who thinks Marilyn Manson is a woman? For all those who do, I'm sorry. Marilyn Manson is a f*cking guy! And he's called Marilyn! *shocked*** t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **You must look like death warmed over**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **Wow, no need to snap! It was just a question…**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said. **I don't like where this is going…**

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." **Impossible. Good Charlotte is a MUGGLE band** he told me.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. "Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked. **What, to a non-existing concert?**

I gasped. **For the first of many times…**

**AN: Well, that's a wrap on the first two chapters! Please review on your way out and I'll see you next time!**


	2. NOT A NEW CHAPTER, SORRY!

**Hey everyone! **

**NOT A NEW CHAPTER, I'M SORRY! I know you've probably been hoping for a new one, but unfortunately, the site I got the original story from suddenly shut down, so I'm gonna be searching for a new one… I just thought I should let you guys know I'm not dead and very much searching for a new site.**

**Anyway,**

**Thank you ****tris-everdeen99**** for putting this story on alert and reviewing, (and thank you for the compliment :))**

**Thank you ****FinalPower**** and ****ThoseEvilDucks**** for favouriting and reviewing,**

**and lastly, Thank you ****Kisses Under The Apple Tree****(please do. And send me a copy :)), ****I'm awesome and y'all know it****(thanks! Glad to see you again :)) and Guest (If you heard about someone called Marilyn, I assume you'd think that person a woman…) for reviewing!**

**Thanks for your patience, and the next chapter WILL be My Immortal again!**

**~HeapsofHorses**


	3. Chapter 3 & 4

**AN: I HAVE FOUND A NEW SITE, AND I'M BACK! *Cheering and applause* :). Anyway, welcome back to It's Another My Immortal Commentary! I'll try to not take this long with the next update (and the one after that, and the one after that…)**

**To remind you**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT, I repeat, I DO NOT own this storyline, that's all Tara (fortunately), nor do I own Harry Potter (Unfortunately…). All I own are the lines written in bold**

**Now, ENJOY THESE NEW CHAPTERS!**

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **NEVER!** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **She actually got GOOD reviews? Wow…** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte. **I don't like where this is going…**

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On the night of the concert **Ah, yes. The impossible concert…** I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. **UNDERNEATH them? Don't you mean ABOVE?** Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. **This has to be her worst outfit 'till now** I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **Yikes** I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. **Then what's the point of straightening it in the first place?** I felt a little depressed then, **Oh, god** so I slit one of my wrists. **No. NO** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T DO THAT!** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. **Why? Why so much?** Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **WHY DID IT TAKE YOU TWO AND A HALF CHAPTERS TO FIGURE THAT OUT?!** I drank some human blood **NO. STOP IT. I can't. I just can't** so I was ready to go to the concert.** EXCUSE ME? WHAT?!**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **HOLD THE THIEF!** He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **Yeah, well. Draco doesn't**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **Wow… You are SO excited for the concert…**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **Of course… **and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel **This is. A song about a woman giving birth… Wow…** (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, **Excuse me, you're there on a DATE with your soon-to-be-boyfriend and all you can talk about is the singer? **pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **A little slow, are we?**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively **C'mon "Draco", MAN UP **and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." **Of course you do…** I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. ***Facepalm***

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **Muggle** and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest! **Is it bad that I'm hoping Draco took her there to kill her?**

Chapter 4.

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **Laughing my ass of here… Ebony's name is Enoby. Thank you, Tara, for clearing that up…** nut mary su OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **Oh, really? Can't imagine… Poor Draco…**

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"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **What does it look like he's doing?**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **This girl has the WORST mood swings I've EVER seen…**

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **What's wrong with his own eyecolor?**

which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness ***Facepalm* SERIOUSLY?** and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Oh, please…**

And then… **He killed her, he killed her. Please tell me he killed her** suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **One absolutely HORRENDOUS sex scene coming up** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. **Here we go!** I even took of my bra. **Wow… What a sacrifice! **Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. ***Bangs head into wall while screaming loudly* **

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **I am officially scarred for life. Thank you Tara…** And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **Oh, god**

It was….Dumbledore! **What is HE doing there? And why is he shouting? I can't for the life of me picture Dumbledore SHOUTING**

**AN: Well, everyone. That's a wrap on those two chapters. And still about 40 to go… Why did I even start this… Anyway, next chapter will probably up a LOT faster than this one, please review on your way out and see you next time!**


	4. Chapter 5 & 6

**AN: Hey everyone! First of all, Thank you Ekiushi for putting this story on alert! And I'm really sorry for my long absence (again…), but it's the last week of school and the teachers are trying to stuff as much work as they possibly can in it… So I've been kind of busy. On a happier note, I've also been to see One Direction in Amsterdam. It was f*cking awesome! :D**

**Now, on with the chapter(s)!**

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **It does? Wow, you learn something new every day :)** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **Next time you got a headache: It's okay to swear like a sailor! Or so she says…** ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **Riiiiiight…** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **Then I guess this is the last chapter :D**

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Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **I still can't picture Dumbledore shouting at anyone…**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted.

I started to cry tears of blood **NO. PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISN'T TRUE. NO. NO!** down my pallid face. **Err… Okay? **Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled **Dude, stop yelling. They're standing right in front of you, you know…** in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" **Gotta remember that one. Best insult EVER** asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **NO! DRACO! COME TO YOUR SENSES!**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **SNAPE, what did she DO to you?**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **You're seriously gonna sleep in THAT?** When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. **Is this starting ALREADY?** I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

Chapter 6.

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **Right, end of story, everyone!**

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The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Charming** I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **DRESSCODE!** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **I don't think they serve that at Hogwarts…** Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **Already unfaithful, and we've only had, what, six chapters? She doesn't really beat around the bus, does she?** He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **Right…** and he was wearing black lipstick. **Ew** He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **NO! YOU WOULDN'T!** He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **No. He doesn't** He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection **What?** only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **The only sicko here are you**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **I'm not**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." **No. No. NO. NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!** he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled. **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **He what?**

"Yeah." I roared. **Stop. Just stop.**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **And again, you're being extremely rude. Though I'm not sure why I'm surprised…**

**AN: Well, that's a wrap on those two chapters! School's almost over and after that the updates should come a hell of a lot faster. Anyway, six chapters done, only too many to count to go! Yay… Please leave a review on your way out, and AGAIN I'm sorry this took so long but I'll see you next time!**


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